Fandom: Ouran High School Host Club
Rating: PG-13 or R, I can't honestly decide
Warnings: More twincest, more talking penis.
Summary: ...The twins run into a few problems. Mostly technical problems.
Disclaimers: Hahaha no. Not mine.
Notes: Still for miya_fangirl, still taking horribly long in being written. I apologize. OH. And because this has been bothering me since I wrote it; the bedroom thing. The manga shows that the twins' beds are right next to each other. I forget if the anime does too, but I don't think they do and it's just the one bed. So for the sake of my not-rewriting the scene, they're going to be normal and sleep in their own rooms. Usually. Thus making the comment in-anime "HE'S ALWAYS GOING INTO MY BED" (paraphrased) make more sense. :3 Yes. No one notices stuff like this BUT BECAUSE I CARE--explained. ^_^;
Bedtime was… different.
Hikaru had a strange feeling he was only just beginning to realize what Kaoru had meant… because seeing the way Kaoru calmly undid the buttons of his shirt and slipped out of it—the shirt, not the buttons, though they went too—was strangely more intimate than it had been just last night. It was weird. Like he should either blush or look away or… something.
His penis told him it was not weird, it was sexy and could it please, please, please get some attention as it had been very good all day.
Hikaru slipped his hand between his legs as Kaoru wandered into the bathroom, deferring to its commands, but his penis was feeling particularly adventurous, and his brain was taking sides with it, and they both wanted to try out Kaoru’s hand for size.
Hikaru asked them how exactly he would go about asking for such attention.
His penis replied that that was his job to think up, and would he make it quick, please? His brain told him sorry but he was on his own.
Hikaru thought that was rather unhelpful, thank you very much.
Kaoru poked his head out of the bathroom, a toothbrush stuck into the corner of his mouth. “Hikaru, stop being slow… get in here and brush your teeth!”
Hikaru wanted to know exactly when a toothbrush and a dab of frothy white toothpaste dribbling from the corner of the mouth had ever become sexy. But it was, and his penis and his brain unanimously agreed with him. But why was Kaoru in his bathroom anyway?
“Why are you in my bathroom?”
Kaoru shrugged, “All the better to ravish you in.”
There was a short silence as Hikaru attempted to find something witty to reply back to that and found none. So he shrugged and waved a hand airily in his twin’s direction instead. Kaoru followed suit and shrugged at him again, before he ducked back in rinse his mouth.
Hikaru stared down at his tented boxers. His penis stood up straighter to stare right back at him with its nonexistent eyes. He thought about being embarrassed, decided that was too much work and hauled himself up, following his brother back into the bathroom.
He closed the door nonchalantly behind him like he did every night when he went through his teeth-cleaning processes—and then walked right into a hand on his crotch.
His brain instantly refused to continue working for him and turned to more important matters like kicking every blood cell in his body to their proper place between his legs.
This stopped him short, for completely understandable reasons, and he did manage a guh? sound before he found himself forcefully planted against a sink counter, and capable hands tugging at the waistband of his boxers.
When he managed to focus his eyes again, he looked down to see his brother laughing softly at him, from around a double-handful of penis, which was a very attractive sight if Hikaru had to say so himself, mostly because that was his penis Kaoru was taking care of so eagerly.
“Don’t you know I can’t tell when you want something?” Kaoru was murmuring quietly. The words were serious, but there was a devious grin on his face, and because his mouth was quite near Hikaru’s penis, Hikaru couldn’t really respond to the teasing brush of lips and warm breath along his cock with anything more intelligent than a low nnggh sound. It quickly turned into a startled gasp and ragged moan when Kaoru put his mouth to much better use and Hikaru’s penis was enveloped in slick, wet heat. Oh god could his brother do things with that tongue!
“Kaoru!” his voice was a hoarse cry of shocked wonder that worked its way up from the bottom of his throat as he bucked his hips up instinctively and gripped the countertop with white-knuckled fingers.
Kaoru didn’t altogether appreciate the bucking because that just shoved Hikaru’s penis even further down his throat and he was hard-pressed to avoid scraping his teeth along it already, which he didn’t think would be very nice at all. There was also that gagging thing, but he got around that by grasping Hikaru’s hips and shoving them back against the side of the counter. Whoever said playing uke meant giving up control?
It didn’t last very long. Kaoru personally doubted it had much to do with his consummate skill in the ways of the bedroom—bathroom?—and more to do with the fact that Hikaru was simply extremely eager to get off. But oh it was nice to be good at this—or at least appear to be good at this, he wasn’t sure if Hikaru was in any state to give him the specifics as to his innate talent at giving head—he’d even managed to pull back in time to avoid having a penis and all its sticky contents down the back of his throat. Call it pride, but Kaoru wasn’t eager to finish up his act by gagging and regurgitating the contents of his stomach all over his brother’s sparkling clean floors. Very gross, very not-sexy.
Of course, his pulling back at the opportune moment meant he got a faceful instead, and a good deal into his mouth anyway.
It was decidedly mood-crushing—not to mention utterly bizarre—to be reminded of fire hydrants and water hoses, but Kaoru couldn’t help the thoughts of a penis-hose as he brought up a hand to swipe at the white stickiness dotting the bottom half of his face with one hand.
Hikaru didn’t seem to be in any state to move, considering the boneless way he was sprawled against his countertop, but that didn’t stop him from watching each and every move that his brother happened to be making from his spot still kneeling between Hikaru’s legs with half-glazed eyes.
Kaoru thought that was a most satisfying and ego-stroking image, thank you very much.
Hikaru thought—when he could think again, that is—that he would need a manual as to what should come next, especially with the way Kaoru was watching him, sitting back on his haunches and idly licking at the come on his fingers like an unspoken reminder of Hikaru’s own actions earlier that day. Was he supposed to say something? Thank him?
How do you say “Thank you, brother dear, for that most mind-blowing of blowjobs, have you done this before?” anyway?
That didn’t mean Hikaru didn’t feel as if he should. Somehow.
…Maybe with flowers?
Why would a man want to receive flowers, anyway?
And he couldn’t really just up and snatch them out of the vase on the corner table to flourish at his brother, could he?
The cleaning up led to more awkwardness. Not the cleaning up itself—that was easily fixed with a warm wet towel, and set Kaoru purring in contentment—but the stuff after that.
“…Right. So. Time to go to bed.”
“So I’m going… sleep well, Hikaru.”
“Yeah. G’night to you too, Kaoru.”
There was a silence.
It was too quiet in the house, Hikaru decided. Entirely too quiet. Where were the girls anyway, since they were always underfoot at the most inopportune times, shouldn’t it follow that they be there at the times when they’d make a distraction too?
And then there was more silence.
Then Kaoru was saying goodnight and turning and moving towards the doorway and Hikaru felt that feeling he got when he was all by himself in his bed, how he didn’t want to be left behind, didn’t want to be alone. It was a stupid feeling. Childish. He squared his jaw and watched as Kaoru reached for the door handle… and pulled the door shut.
While he was still in the room.
With a half-smile over his shoulder, Kaoru flicked off the main lights and padded back to the bed, crawling in beside his brother. “Silly Hikaru,” he murmured as he arranged his arms around his brother’s shoulders, “you know I can’t leave when you look at me like that.”
“You weren’t even looking.”
“You don’t think I can’t see?” Kaoru retorted, watching his brother’s cheeks redden in the filtered glow of the moonlight through the window. Embarrassment usually got Hikaru on the defensive and so he hastened to continue, “Who could resist your smoldering gaze, after all?”
He was teasing, but Hikaru didn’t seem to be so tense after that.
(But if the summer comes, there'll be pretty fireworks)
The regular Host Club hours were canceled that day to make ready for that night’s festivities. The Hitachin brothers seemed to consider this a cause for celebration and a most excellent chance to sling their arms over Haruhi’s shoulders, and flirt shamelessly with her while dancing in front of Tono. Half the fun was making Tono squirm and sulk in a corner with a container of instant ramen, half was drawing a laugh or two out of the girl with their jokes which were both good things in the collective Hitachiin book.
And despite the official cancellation, since the preparations themselves were for the menial laborers hired for such tasks, the Host Club had plenty of time to do some unofficial hosting in the school halls. The girls took very well to this decision. The boys took notes.
The Hitachiin brothers were in their element.
Several textbooks landed with loud individual thump!s on the ground, mere inches away from Kaoru’s feet.
“My books!” he wailed theatrically, striking a pose against a nearby column, tears artfully glittering in his eyes, “oh no, now look at what I’ve done!” He was smiling internally to himself. Who—outside of Haruhi—carried books around in this school anyway? That was what personal slaves were for, obviously, but no one else seemed to notice this caught up in the rapture of their brilliant display.
“Oh you foolish Kaoru, so very clumsy… if those books had fallen and hurt you in some way…” Hikaru swept his younger twin up into his arms, and leaned in close to look deep into his eyes.
Kaoru’s eyes were laughing merrily at the joke, and though his lips were parted in a soft ‘o’ of seeming romantic surprise, the corners were turned up in a barely perceptible smirk just like always.
What wasn’t just like always was the sudden, unexplainable urge to lean in and kiss him hard; to push him back against that column, run the fingers of one hand through that messy hair, yank the crisp white shirt out of his pants with the other so that he could run his hand up underneath the fabric, and grind their hips together regardless of exactly who and how many were watching.
Hikaru blinked. His brain shrugged and sided with his penis’s “Can I get some yet?” request.
Which was a crazy and insane and a foolish thing to think of doing. In public, anyway. Yeah, he knew that.
But Hikaru was nothing if not impulsive—sometimes that was probably a bad thing.
Oh, not the public fornication thing. Not for free, at any rate.
Kaoru could feel his brother’s arms tensing and tightening around him, could see the tawny gold of his brother’s eyes darken into a dusky copper and he barely held back a gasp as his brother grabbed him by the shoulders and spun them adroitly to the opposite side of the column. He barely bit back a groan as Hikaru stole several seconds of the crowd’s surprise to lean in and deliver several kisses down the line of his jaw, before turning his attention—oh god he was using his tongue and mmm teeth—to Kaoru’s throat. He pulled away, just as the first of the girls rounded upon them, intent on catching a glimpse of the twins’ secret tryst.
They were Host Club members. Impeccable timing was something you learn in that profession.
Kaoru was still glad he had a column to lean up against, and Hikaru to hold him steady because he had the sudden suspicion that left to his own devices, he’d probably allow himself to melt into a little pile of boneless goo on the marble tiles. And damn, he was probably blushing again.
Well no one would question that.
…They’d probably question Hikaru’s blushing though. Because Hikaru was blushing, and hiding his face behind his sleeve in a gesture that was all too similar to Kaoru’s own when he faked hiding a blush.
Of course, now they were left with hundreds of female eyes watching them intently, with no backup scene to play up. This was less than good. Kaoru had a thought that slipping back into their totally antisocial nature would probably not be a very good fallback plan. He considered calling up the orchestra so they could waltz away to safety.
“OHOHOHO~!” Laughter sounded as Renge came racing into the fray, a cloud of dust in her wake. “It’s perfect! It’s beautiful! Can’t you see the passion, the utter, utter MOE~~~???!!” She whirled around to face the crowds, “It’s wonderful! And just the plot of my newly-finished Doki Doki Twins!!!” Within seconds, she had a copy of the much-lauded doujinshi in her hand and immediately began flailing it at the audience. Within a few more seconds, it was being fought over by the hordes.
For those too far away to dive for the publication, Mori immediately whipped off the upper half of his clothes with a flourish, hefted a handy axe, and began chopping the blocks of wood that were also inexplicably nearby for seemingly just this purpose with a vigor that sent those who turned to him swooning in delight.
It was perfect. It was pandemonium.
And then Haruhi took hold of each of the twins by the ear and daintily dragged them off. A few seconds later, she had shoved them into an empty classroom, shut the door, hung up a neatly-printed—neon lights were too expensive, and think of the electricity!— “IN USE” sign, and walked back to save Renge if the others hadn’t already.
No one could say that the Host Club didn’t take care of their own.
Back in their empty classrooms, the twins were facing a dilemma.
Well, the first problem was simple. As was the way of the world, Hikaru had landed squarely on top of Kaoru and had managed to crack the both of their heads together so that they were both seeing stars for the first few minutes. That went away fast enough.
The second problem was what to do next. Hikaru quickly solved this problem by going down on his elbows and knees to cradle Kaoru’s head in his hands, and kiss him hard on the lips. This was done with a good deal of moaning and what sounded like throaty purrs from both parties. There was also a good deal of grinding that their hips were doing, and somehow their shirts had gotten yanked up out of their pants and unbuttoned so hands were doing a good deal of wandering too.
Hikaru’s eyes had gone heavy-lidded, and his breath was coming in gasps as he pulled away enough to continue kissing his brother’s face, tracing the line he’d drawn earlier in the hallway, pausing at his throat only to knead the flesh with teeth and tongue just above the point where his brother’s pulse pounded.
Kaoru’s hands had long since wandered to the fly of Hikaru’s pants and unzipped and pulled his brother’s cock free. He made short work of his own—fly, not cock, thank you very much—and soon their pants were hanging loose off their hips as they moved against each other.
“I want to be inside you,” groaned Hikaru, nipping at Kaoru’s ear.
“I… I…” Kaoru managed to gasp, as Hikaru rubbed up against him again, “I—how?”
And that was their third problem.
It was a very big problem.
“No Hikaru, that is not going to fit in there like that! You’ll tear me apart!”
The brother in question groaned a deep heartfelt groan as he pulled away, “Then what am I supposed to do?”
Kaoru wasn’t sure, but if his brother was waiting around for him to grow a self-lubricating anus, he had a long time coming. He told Hikaru as much.
“Lubricate, lubricate… can we do something about that?”
“Oh your efforts are certainly turning me on,” Kaoru muttered, wracking his admittedly-hazy brain for ideas, “Simply ravishing the way you’re constantly thinking of me and my welfare all this time.”
“You’re not helping,” Hikaru moaned, slumping over against him, before catching Kaoru’s lip between his teeth in a reproving nip.
“I—mmm—well, there’s your… mouth…?” Because really, all Kaoru could concentrate on at the moment was Hikaru’s mouth and why it wasn’t right where it’d been just a few minutes ago.
Hikaru pulled back. “You may be my twin brother, and I may love you, but I am not putting my tongue up your ass.”
“…Yeah. No.” he paused. “Now what?”
Hikaru decided they needed help in this matter.
(If the fall comes, I'll chase after the dream)
Haruhi’s dad was understanding. Very understanding.
…Too damned understanding, if you asked Hikaru.
“AH!” Ranko-san breathed, pushing aside a lock of long dark hair and simply glowing with happiness.
Hikaru had the sudden impression he knew what people talked about when they talked about brides or soon-to-be mothers—two things which he most certainly hoped Haruhi’s father would not be anytime soon, if only for the sanctity of his own mind.
“At last someone to whom I can give The Talk! Oh Haruhi would never come to me for such advice you know and it is wonderful to have someone look to you for help… Oh no, now where shall I begin… You see! When a man and a woman love each other very, very much…”
Hikaru personally thought he could skip this part as anyone past the age of fourteen is bound to know all too much about that and it didn’t really apply to his situation anyway… But what was the proper etiquette for interrupting a commoner’s speech? What if Ranko-san got offended? But he was sure it wasn’t a good idea to start napping in front of the man either, so… “Er… actually, that isn’t…”
The other man lit with understanding, though that could just have been the reflected glare of his newly-buffed fingernails that he hid his face behind in a gleeful “Ohohohoho!”
“Ara, well why didn’t you say so in the first place, my dear boy? Don’t worry… I know how these things are… You see when a man and another man love each other very, very much…”
Hikaru found out there were still things in the world capable of making him blush.
Especially when the man thought he needed to go further and explain what happens when two men and a woman love each other very, very much as well as when two men love women and each other very, very much and the surgical enhancements that could be made in order to facilitate said love…
Hikaru decided it was a good time to press a package of tea leaves into the man’s hands, babble a few words of thanks and general gift-giving-ness before he took off at a mad dash for the car and subsequently the nearest place where he could have his brain scrubbed and thoroughly cleansed.
Kaoru sidled into the 3rd Music Room.
He paused. Shuffled back out.
Then he scoffed at himself for being silly and shuffled back in, closing the door behind him firmly though he never quite let go of the handle. It was empty. It looked empty at any rate, but you never know if someone might toss a banana at your feet or pop up out of the floor.
...Although actually that was exactly the reason why he’d come. The person popping out of the floor, not the banana-throwing, although when it came to Houshakuji Renge, the two tended come as a pair for reasons no one was quite sure of yet.
He stared at the floor. Nothing. He tapped it lightly with the sole of his shoe. Still nothing. He hunched down and poked it. A slight tremor, but still nothing.
Nonplussed, he called out, “Oi, Otaku!”
Somewhere a cricket began to chirp. (Then it was quickly stampeded on by the school janitorial staff and ceased to chirp, but not before its point had already been made.)
He frowned. Took a breath. “Kyouyaaaaa don’t take your clothes off heeere!!!”
Amidst the thrumming of heavy machinery, the Host Club’s female administrative assistant rose majestically from the floor, twirling deliriously in what looked like a striking facsimile of Sailor Venus. And then she paused for there was no Kyouya in sight. Nor was there a Kaoru in sight either, except for a couple of fingers clinging desperately to the edge of the gaping hole in the floor she’d opened up with her appearance. Well that at least she could help remedy. She sent the monkey to help him. The monkey gave the fingers a banana. She decided that wasn’t good enough so with a swift snap of her wrist, she had a chain of glittering gold-shaped links wrapped securely around the redhead’s waist and was reeling him in like a dead trout on her line.
Minutes later, he was back on the neatly-polished tiled floor and Renge was busy pawing through the photos he’d yanked out of his breast pocket—it was necessary to keep something with which to pacify women on your person at all times if you were part of the Host Club for successful escapes and, in this case, extracting information.
It helped that Renge could see right through his bribery as soon as she’d regained her composure—and had stuffed the photos of a half-naked Kyouya down her shirt for safe-keeping. She crossed her legs daintily, smoothed down her short orange skirt with daintily-gloved hands—Kaoru decided this would be a bad time to inform her that orange was not her color—and smiled knowingly down at him. “Now what would you like to know?”
She was quite sure she knew what he wanted to know but it was more fun to try and make him ask her directly.
Well that was boring. And she had been in the middle of accepting a date with her beloved Miyabi—the cursor was still set on the ‘I accept your loving invitation~!’, he was waiting for her answer!—that she was quite eager to return to.
“Oh fine, fine, fine,” she told him, reaching over and scrabbling through the chest that suddenly popped up next to her throne. “Here you go.”
After quickly depositing a stack of doujinshi on his head, she flicked the switch once more and was twirling back down into the depths of her underground lair with a last, triumphant “OOOOOHOHOHOHOHOHO~!!!”
Kaoru had time to blink and then stare in horrified fascination at the sea of yaoi spread about him. With some trepidation, he picked one up with little preparation as to what was to come and began to read.
Twenty minutes later he was striding out of the room with his face a mottled crimson in a frenzied search for the nearest place where he could have his brain scrubbed and thoroughly cleansed.
It couldn’t really go that deep, could it????
The Host Club activities were awkward that day. Neither of the twins seemed able to look each other straight in the eye without blushing. Which wouldn’t have been a problem under normal circumstances if only they both hadn’t also become inexplicably tongue-tied in the process. So the unanimous decision was that the forbidden brotherly love act—that was fast beginning to feel less like an act, which should have made it easier, but clearly logic didn’t work like that—could be forgone for a day. Not that this affected the number of their clientele in the least—they just spent a lot more time respectively romancing the ladies in their devilish Hitachin way.
It was just less fun. When Hikaru looked with delicious romantic fervor into the girls’ eyes, there were only hearts and sparkles which soon got boring because there was no laughter at the very depths like the big joke it was supposed to be. And they all ended up primly-dressed puddles on the colorful carpet of autumn leaves anyway.
Which meant a lot of time was spent casting awkward looks at his brother—the girls were perfectly fine with this, they spent a lot of time looking at his brother too. There were just more hearts floating around their heads than his because he could be sneaky like ninja and avoid having his attentions detected so easily.
And then Haruhi walked past, stared at him for a moment, and then grabbed him by the ear.
“You’re being silly,” she informed him.
He blinked at her, a cup of tea halfway to his lips.
She ignored him for the time being and cast a beatific smile at the girls he had been entertaining pleading small problem, nothing at all to worry about, just wanted to set some small things right, and would the ladies mind…?
“Oh no, no, no, not at all!!” bleated the one, fanning herself with her handkerchief, while the other spoke up to say, “Go on, go on, we can wait, of course we can!”
Hikaru blinked at her again. She was a natural. It still took some getting used to.
Well, he couldn’t really argue with that.
“You’re being silly,” she informed, moments later once they were out in the empty hallway and behind a closed door.
“You already said that,” he reminded her.
“You’re changing the subject,” she retorted, her fingers flying as she methodically folded a sheet of brilliantly-colored paper into the semblance of a crane.
This caused him to pause. The paper bird, not her words. “What are you doing?”
“It’s for Friday. And don’t change the subject.”
“What is our subject then?”
She was silent for a moment and upon finishing one crane, placed it delicately in Hikaru’s hand and busied herself with another sheet. “Don’t be stupid,” she said finally. “Don’t screw this up.”
Hikaru didn’t see how that was at all helpful. He said as much.
Haruhi sighed and handed him another crane. “Don’t just look at him. Talk to him. He’s the only person who can understand you completely, maybe even more than you understand yourself, and you’re not allowed to lose that.”
Sometimes… sometimes Haruhi in all her aloof, commoner sensibility made too much sense to ignore.
…And sometimes that aloof, commoner sensibility made so much sense, that he didn’t know what he could do with or about it.
Finishing off another crane, she gathered the ones he held with one scoop of her hand, clearly finished with all she had to say. “Well I’m glad we had this talk,” she told him cheerfully, turning back towards the doors.
And then she turned right around. “Oh, I nearly forgot.” Reaching into a pocket, she tossed something to him as she slipped through the door with a sunny smile, “I hope you have fun.”
Hikaru looked down and felt his jaw drop open and his mind stop functioning completely for the second time that day.
What was he supposed to do with cherry-flavored lubricant???
He slumped down and curled himself up in order of the hallway, huddled in on himself. The air around him darkened until he was a dark spot in the sunny brilliance of the school hallway. Students, well-used to Tamaki's displays of angst did not know how to deal with this new animal, and sidled around the thatch of red hair surreptitiously, whispering to themselves as they passed.
This was a harder game to play than he'd thought it'd be.
Ending is iffy, I guess? I don't know, but I've dragged this chapter on long enough so posting I am. :3